22 years ago today

In life, we experience a whole lot of firsts.  I believe that if we're lucky, we have a lifetime of firsts so we can look back one day and say we've lived an interesting life.  However, some firsts are not so pleasant.  On this day, October 3rd, my heart and my mind go back to a time when I was six years old and I experienced my first loss of a loved one. 

I remember it being a chilly, rainy night.  I was at the dining room table and my Mom was helping me work on an art project for school.  The phone rang and she stood up to go into the kitchen and answer it.  I remember hearing her greet my Aunt Carol and then moments later watching her lean against the wall sobbing uncontrollably.  My Dad heard her and came downstairs to see what was happening.  They both went to the back family room and I could heard them talking, but it was too muffled for me to hear what they were saying exactly.  They came back in the dining room, my Mom hugged me really tight without a word and then she got her jacket on and left to go somewhere unknown to me at the time.

My Dad picked me up and carried me into the living room to his chair and within moments, my very young, very small world got really sad, confusing and a whole lot bigger as I sat there on my Dad's lap.  He told me that there had been a car accident and my cousin Kimmie her Mom Kristine had been killed.  Kristine was wonderful and Kimmie was my very best childhood friend.  She was my favorite cousin by far.  We were very close in age.  She was just under a month younger than me.  We were a close-knit family, so we were together quite a bit.  We were forever loving to dress alike, make up songs and sing them for people and go swimming.  There are loads of home movies of us being silly together.  I learned later on as I got older that it was a drunk driver that hit them and killed them, which is a major reason I'm so against drinking and driving today. 

I think of them often.  Kristine had a laugh that was absolutely contagious and the most adventurous personality.  Sweet Kimmie's smile could brighten up any room.  It's hard to understand sometimes why God allows things to happen, but if we choose to see Him in the valley moments of life, we can use those dark times for His glory.

Today my heart remembers and my heart is broken.  But I choose to SEE God and remain thankful that we do not grieve without hope.  We thank Him for letting us have them in our lives for a season, even though we wish had been much longer.  We keep them in our hearts and honor their memory by choosing to live our lives well with the hope and assurance that we will see them again.