When I find myself in a place where I am allowing the "stuff" of life to overtake me, I feel very useless to God. Never is there a time when it seems like I'm doing enough for Him, but especially during times like this. I feel like I am letting impatience, stress, insecurity, worry, and fear take the place of trust and faith in God.
And it is during these times that Satan gets the best foothold in my mind. I am fully aware that it is happening when it does, but I still allow him to still get the best of me sometimes. I hate to admit that. Sometimes I can be strong against letting him invade my mind in such a manner, but other times I feel weak and powerless to stop it. Then, I beat myself up over not having more trust and surrendering more to Jesus. It's a vicious cycle.
Over and over again, I find crying out to God with the words of Mark 9:24 - "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief." I know in my heart the truths of Jesus. I know that things like fear and feelings of inadequacy are not of Him. I know they are things Satan uses to keep my mind off of the things of God.
Right now, I feel like the good things I have to offer God are scattered amidst things like fear, uncertainty, impatience, unbelief and a myriad of other ridiculous things taking over my mind here lately. I'm not offering Him the things He not only requires, but deserves of me.
Tonight I am having a difficult time getting to sleep, so I found myself reading and listening to a studio demo CD in hopes of making myself drowsy enough to sleep. I was pretty engrossed in my book and not really paying attention to the CD. A new track began and the simple, soft piano intro captured my attention. By the time the first chorus was sung, I was in tears. It's a simple song called "I'll Take What's Left" that beautifully paints the picture of brokenness, forgiveness, repentance and new life in Christ. The lyrics are below.
This song served well to remind me that God can use us best and most effectively in our brokenness if we will just let Him. It made me think of a C.S. Lewis quote that I love - "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our consciences, but shouts in our pains." His power is made wonderfully perfect through our weakness and brokenness.
And what's more...He loves us enough to continually takes us just as we are. Broken pieces, fears, shattered spirits, doubts and all. And in His time, He makes it all new again. I'm so thankful tonight for the hope that comes from Him that shines brightly even through times of struggle.
I'LL TAKE WHAT'S LEFT (Written by: Wayne Haun and Joel Lindsey)
He asked if I would give my all
I trembled and replied
There’s not much here that You would want
Just fragments of a life
I’ve wasted so much through the years
With choices that just brought me tears
Everything I’d ever gained was lost
So there I stood with empty hands at Calvary ’s
cross
He said I’ll take what’s left
What’s broken and shattered
I’ll find the pieces you have lost
I’ll take what’s left
No matter where they’ve scattered
I’ll take you just the way you are
There’s no need to spend another day
Feeling like you do
I’ll take what’s left and make it new
I don’t know why He’d go so far
To do the things He’s done
What would He gain by loving me
The most unworthy one
To think of where I was back then
And all the things that might have been
I’ll forever bless that special day
When I brought my tattered life to Him
And I heard Him say
He said I’ll take what’s left
What’s broken and shattered
I’ll find the pieces you have lost
I’ll take what’s left
No matter where they’ve scattered
I’ll take you just the way you are
There’s no need to spend another day
Feeling like you do
I’ll take what’s left and make it new
I’ll take what’s left and make it new
